Television|Stephen Colbert Is Unimpressed by the Attorney General’s Letter
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Of Barrs and Cains
Investigators for Robert Mueller, the special counsel, have said that Attorney General William Barr did not adequately portray the findings of their report into Russian interference in the 2016 election. They have said that the report is more damaging to President Trump than Barr’s four-page letter suggested.
Stephen Colbert made fun of Barr’s brief recap, which said Mueller had concluded that Trump had not conspired with Russia.
“Now, Billy Barr said that Mueller cleared the Trump campaign of any coordination with Russia, and Barr himself concluded that the president did not obstruct justice. He did this by taking the almost 400-page Mueller report and summarizing it in just three and a half pages. That’s like tuning in to see the new season of ‘Game of Thrones’ and it’s just Barr holding a sign that says, ‘Dragons did some stuff. The end.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Then Colbert moved on to discussing Trump’s fondness for Herman Cain, the former pizza executive and onetime presidential candidate, whom Trump said he wants to nominate for the Federal Reserve Board.
“Most of Herman Cain’s business experience comes from running a pizza chain. Evidently Trump thinks ‘Fed’ is short for ‘fettuccine.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Sausage Products Edition)
“A meat plant in New Hampshire is recalling more than 2,600 pounds of sausage products because they’re afraid the meat could contain metal. Even worse, it may contain whatever it is that’s normally in a sausage.” — JAMES CORDEN
“A man from Lithuania is facing legal problems after it was discovered that he convinced Google and Facebook to pay fake invoices to fake companies. In total he got them to pay — get this — $122 million. Yes. Also, now Facebook and Google suddenly have a problem with fake news.” — JAMES CORDEN
“A Dominican singer attempted to break a Guinness world record recently by performing for over 100 consecutive hours. ‘Big deal, try performing for 14 years,’ said Melania.” — SETH MEYERS, referring to first lady Melania Trump
The Bits Worth Watching
Aunt Chippy and Guillermo got pranked into riding a 12-story zip line.
With a feud brewing between Tucker Carlson of Fox News and Chris Hayes of MSNBC, Desus Nice and the Kid Mero were quick to side with Hayes, a fellow Bronx native.
Nipsey Hussle, the Los Angeles rapper who was killed last week, was part of a cohort of young artists who are choosing to stay invested in their local communities, even as they chase national stardom.
An earlier version of this article misattributed a quote about a man from Lithuania. It was by James Corden, not Seth Meyers.