You Are Not Prepared For These Awful New XFL Teams

These are bios of cartoon characters, representing the qualities possessed by players they do not have yet, who will most definitely not live up to any of those standards. Vince McMahon’s WWE creative team is cutting through the BS and pitching us a late ’80s Saturday morning cartoon adaptation of the XFL that makes literal dragons from Seattle play football against literal battle hawks from St. Louis, whatever the hell a battle hawk may be. I’m guessing an osprey with a gun?

Luis can be found on Twitter and Facebook. Check out his regular contributions to Macaulay Culkin’s And listen for his “Meditation Minute” segments on the Bunny Ears podcast.

For more, check out ‘Celebrity Book Curator’ Is A Job, Because Rich People Suck and Disney’s New ‘Lady And The Tramp’ Stars An Actual Tramp.

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